Bullies don’t just show up on the schoolyard or the walk home anymore. Social media, text groups, and online forums can all be home to people who can bully your teen—which takes a toll on their physical and mental health. Thankfully, you can support them.

What is bullying?

Bullying is aggressive, dominating behavior that can be or is repeated. It can damage someone’s reputation, hurt them physically or mentally, intimidate them, and otherwise abuse them. People who bully take advantage of real or perceived power imbalances. They pick on people they think they can power over—physically, socially, mentally, or emotionally.

Typically, bullying occurs in school-aged children. From late elementary school through adolescence (sometimes even early adulthood), bullying behavior can be clear. Aggression and outbursts are more developed than in early childhood, and power dynamics are more obvious, which are needed for bullies.

What teens bully each other about

Teens can and often will pick on each other about anything. From the way they dress and who they hang out with to the type of pencil they use to take notes. Some teasing can be harmless, but bullying takes it too far. During such a complicated emotional and physical time, teens who bully can take advantage of some of the more personal issues someone is figuring out and learning to accept, like:

• Body image
• Gender identity
• Sexual orientation
• Disabilities and health issues
• Home life and family relations
• Cultural identity and customs

The different types of bullying

Bullying doesn’t just happen in person. It’s not always about name-calling or teasing. People who bully can terrorize others in several different ways.

Physical bullying

Actually or threatening:

• Hitting/punching
• Kicking
• Biting
• Hair-pulling

Verbal bullying

Not all bullying is physical. Sometimes, people who bully:

• Call names
• Tease
• Spread rumors

Social bullying

Some bullying doesn’t always involve someone directly but instead is behind their back, like excluding them from events.

What About Cyberbullying?

Bullying can—and often does—happen online. Anonymity and reduced face-to-face interactions can empower people who bully and give them new ways to pick on others. Cyberbullying is when someone harasses another person on social media, internet forums, or messaging apps.

Most teens have a digital presence—and research shows nearly half of them are almost constantly online. The flood of information that teens put onto the internet and consume makes cyberbullying a major risk, especially when combined with some of the inherent concerns with the platforms they’re on:

Disappearing messages

Platforms like Snapchat and Instagram have disappearing messaging and posting features that are often used for bullying because it’s harder to document incidents.

One of the best ways to combat cyberbullying is to take screenshots or download proof of it happening so they can report it. When the messages disappear, the person being bullied no longer has the opportunity to do this.

Anonymity and fake profiles

Anonymous profiles can be created on nearly every popular platform, which can be used to mask someone’s identity before they start messaging or posting things to another person’s profile. Anonymous profiles can also make it easy for people who bully to:

• Get closer to someone without revealing their intentions. This is especially concerning for teens who struggle with loneliness and might easily let their guard down to someone posing as a new connection.
• Start and/or spread rumors. Since most messaging platforms that can be used without revealing a phone number are mobile-friendly, they’re just as convenient to use as native apps, like iMessage or SMS chats.
• Threaten someone with leaking their private information, spreading rumors, or causing them harm. Sometimes, this is to try and collect something (like money) from them, but other times, it’s just to instill fear.
• Dox, which is when someone posts private, sensitive information about another person—including on massive forums like Reddit. Someone’s address, private photos or messages, and other information can all be used to dox someone.

Impersonation

Accounts that pose as someone else can be easily set up and can be used in several different ways:

• Masquerading – People who bully can take screenshots of their target’s pictures and profile to re-upload on a masquerading profile. From there, they can make embarrassing edits to their images, message others with strange or embarrassing information, and make posts that contradict how someone would normally act.
• Hacking/fraping – People who bully can also hack someone’s account (sometimes called “fraping”) to post private, embarrassing, inflammatory, or otherwise insensitive things to someone’s profile. For teens who keep good digital boundaries and privacy, this can reveal information to people they’ve trusted to interact with their online profile.
• Catfishing – Catfish accounts use fake images of someone else in order to get closer to the person they want to take advantage of. Most popularly, catfishing is known in the context of dating prospects, which can cause teens to drop their guard and give up their personal information quickly.

Cyberstalking

Stalking doesn’t just happen in person. Cyberstalking is when someone takes advantage of the anonymity they have while they’re online to track another person’s online or in-person activities. Even if they’re using an account with their own information, someone who cyberstalks can be watching what someone else does without that person knowing.

Teens without good online boundaries are especially at risk of cyberstalking. Posting about where they are while they’re there (or places they frequent), who they work with, and other details about their routine can all be used against them. Teens can make their online sharing safer by making their profiles private, carefully considering who they allow to follow them, and being mindful of the information they’re sharing.

Effects of bullying

If someone is physically bullying your teen, there are some immediate risks to their physical health. Aside from the immediate effects of a physical altercation, your teen might experience headaches and sleep disturbances from the stress that they’re enduring. That’s because your teen’s mental health is also on the line if someone is bullying them.

Just how much bullying will affect them depends on how severely they’re being bullied, what mental health issues they’re already experiencing, and the support they have. Some common effects include:

• Depression and lowered self-esteem
• Trauma
• Stress and anxiety
• Self-harming behaviors and suicidal ideation
• Loneliness and isolation
• School avoidance and/or poor performance
• Eating disorders
• Substance use
• Bullying or threatening others

Bullying can have short- and long-term effects on your teen’s mental health. Any one of these concerns can be long-lasting, but some are clearly more immediate. Studies have shown that teens who are bullied are more likely to self-harm or have self-harm ideation—even when the bullying is done online.

Is your teen being bullied? Know the signs

It can be tough to tell if your teen is being bullied. The communication between the two of you might already be different now that they’re trying to be more independent. Even if it’s great, they might not want to talk about embarrassing or seemingly shameful incidents like bullying, which can make them feel weak or incapable of defending themself.

These can be signs that your teen is being bullied:

• Withdrawal and isolation, especially from their normal friends
• Increased time playing video games or being online
• Unexplained outbursts
• Being stressed about things they’re normally excited for
• Avoiding school, including skipping or making excuses for why they can’t go
• Bruises, scratches, or torn clothes/backpack
• Wanting to skip meals with no explanation
• Seeming to shut down or avoid connecting about more personal topics

You might feel like there’s no way to help. You likely won’t be there the next time the person bullying them shows up, and there’s a chance that your teen doesn’t love the thought of you being logged in to their social media accounts. But there are some things you can do to support them.

How you can help

The most important thing you can do is to be there and be open to listening to them. You don’t always have to have the answers, though sometimes you’ll have some good advice for them.

Encourage open conversations

If your teen is shut off and not wanting to talk about what they’re going through, let them know that you are there when they want to talk. You can try checking in with them in a different way, too. Normally talk to them about tough things over dinner? Try sending them a text at a different time. Sometimes, just seeming like there’s less pressure to reply can get the conversation started.

Talk to the school

When your teen does end up talking to you about what they’re experiencing, take it seriously. Whether it’s in-person or online bullying, you can report it to their school administrators. If it is cyberbullying, encourage your teen to take screenshots or download proof of the incidents so you can show the principal what’s going on.

Report online bullies

Most social media platforms, including TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat, have reporting and blocking functions. Reporting and blocking aren’t limited to social media, though. Messaging apps like Discord and iMessage also allow you to block contact from specific users. If your teen is being cyberbullied, encourage them to block who is bullying them and report any hurtful activity—it probably violates the terms of service on these platforms.

Set cyber boundaries

It can be hard to completely disconnect from your digital presence, and your teen probably feels the same way. But always being online only gives people more opportunities to cyberbully them. Talk with them about reducing the amount of time they spend on social media or gaming. You can also talk to them about creating better privacy habits, like making accounts private, reviewing any followers, and reducing the amount of personal information they share online.

The Family First team can also help

When bullying takes a toll on your teen and affects their mental health, don’t wait to get help. At Family First, we can help with common issues like loneliness, isolation, and screen addiction but also more complex ones with treatment for adolescent depression, self-harm, and substance use. With more than 120 years of combined clinical experience, you can be sure you’re making the right choice for your teen.

Call 888.904.5947 or contact us online now.