Teen boys are known for toeing the line, trying to figure out when they’ve gone too far. But when it seems like they don’t respect the line anymore, it can be hard to keep up. You might feel like you don’t have the answers to anything anymore and that there’s no way back—but there is, and help is available.
Why do teen boys act out?
It would be impossible to list every reason why teen boys act out. Your son will have things he gets upset about, and acting out might be the only way he knows how to express them. At the root of things, though, that may be exactly what being defiant, aggressive, or impulsive is: an act of expression. There are a few reasons why teen boys get to the point that they resort to acting out.
Developmental
During the teen years, the brain is still developing. Areas that have a strong influence on impulse control, like the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), are some of the last to fully mature. So, until then, they physically don’t have the boundary to have enough foresight. That’s not an excuse, though. You should still be consistent with setting expectations and appropriately disciplining them when they break the rules. That way, they have a good foundation as they continue developing.
Psychological
Physical changes aren’t the only thing teen boys experience. Their mental health is also growing and changing rapidly. One of the most influential areas of change is their identity. Adolescence is a period when kids start separating themselves from their parents. Rebelling or acting out can be a way to set them apart from mom and dad. Teens who are depressed, anxious, have ADHD, or are dealing with other mental health issues might also act out because they don’t know how to communicate about it.
Environmental
Stress and outside influence also play large roles in acts of defiance or aggression. When anyone (teens included) is stressed, they are more likely to act in ways they wouldn’t normally. Being exposed to domestic or community violence, substance use, or trauma raises these stress levels, making it more likely they’ll act out. Peer pressure is also a major factor. Teens who never acted out before might be dared to push boundaries if they fall in with the wrong crowd. They, too, want to fit in while still separating from their parents.
How do I know when my child has behavior issues?
Any time your child is at risk of harming themselves or others, they have behavior issues that need intervention. At the same time, if they’re destroying things at home, school, or anywhere else, they’re also going too far. Acting out like this isn’t appropriate now, and without stepping in, they can carry over into adulthood.
What to do when your child’s behavior is out of control
The most important thing to do is to not just stand by and let your teen act out of control. You don’t have to be a harsh and/or strict disciplinarian, but you do need to set clear expectations and boundaries. If your child is out of control:
Talk to them about their behavior. Stay calm and avoid escalating the situation.
If they are threatening to harm themselves or anyone else, remove any potentially harmful objects.
Try diffusing the situation and getting them into a safer space.
Let them know you are there to talk when they’re ready.
Set clear rules, expectations, and boundaries.
Be clear and consistent with punishment rather than using harsh techniques.
If you’ve already tried approaching your son using these methods and he’s still acting out, you might need more help. You won’t always have the answers, and that’s okay. Professional intervention can be a place where everyone is able to start healing.
How professional intervention can help
How professional intervention can help
Professional intervention can give your son the tools he needs to work on his mental health. Look for a program that is accredited and highly rated by other parents (and teens), not one that guarantees overnight results or “tough love.” Instead, look for a program that:
- Helps rebuild family bonds
- Teaches parents how to build a healthier, more stable home
- Assists teens with school so they can get back on track
- Guides teens through individual and group therapy sessions
- Offers medication management when appropriate
- Gives teens the space to explore their mental health
Evidence-based programs will use methods that have been proven effective in helping teens. This might include medication management and talk and experiential therapy. The goal of treatment is to help teens learn to regulate their emotions, process any underlying trauma, and find a more constructive way forward.
Call Family First to get help now
We know you might be on your last nerve, but we’re here to help. With more than 120 years of combined clinical experience, you can trust that your son will be in the right hands at Family First. Our residential program for boys in Palm Beach Gardens, FL, is a safe space where boys explore their mental health. Teens here have daily check-ins with their personal clinical team, weekly visits with a psychiatric provider, and regular excursions around our campus in sunny South Florida. Plus, parents have 24/7 text access to our case managers and receive at least three progress updates a week.
Don’t let him keep struggling. Get your son and family help by calling 888.904.5947 or contacting us online.