Teens with ADHD often struggle with impulsivity and reactivity, and these aren’t easy things to just “get over” or control. They experience emotions differently, usually with an intensity that neurotypical people will never quite understand. Unexpected lashing out and blowing up—characteristic of ADHD rage attacks—might have you walking on eggshells around your teen, trying to avoid setting them off. But you’ll never be able to control everything, and helping them learn how to manage their anger and recognize when it’s bubbling up just beneath the surface can go a long way in regulating their emotions.
Adolescence Is a Rollercoaster
Teens have a lot on their plates. Even if they’re not working or paying bills yet, their brains and bodies are changing rapidly while they juggle expectations and social pressures. On top of physically growing, they’re trying to carve out their own identities, trying to keep up with school and social issues, and dealing with new floods of hormones that make emotions more challenging to deal with—or sometimes even care about.
When emotions like anger spring up, they might not know why they’re feeling them. Even though they’ve learned to describe basic emotions before, they’re more often experiencing new ways of feeling while navigating situations they’re never been in. It’s often hard for them to make good decisions (or decisions that seem good to parents), keep up with their responsibilities, and stay steady. They’re practicing how to keep everything in line, and practice can be frustrating.
ADHD Can Cause Intense Anger for Teens
Living with ADHD throws another wrench into things for many teens. Even though it’s not a standard part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, many people with it have trouble with emotional dysregulation. This makes it hard to manage and cope with intense emotions like anger. When anger wells up inside a teen with ADHD, it can be hard for them to find a manageable outlet for it, especially since they’re also more likely to deal with impulse control issues. Rather, it’s likely that it will surface quickly and explosively, resulting in anger outbursts or tantrums.
It’s still not clear why people with ADHD experience anger more intensely. Emotional dysregulation might come from different brain function or genetic factors. Emotions—especially in teens—are also affected by how someone interacts with and navigates the world. If they struggle with things that others don’t, it can lead to even more fear or stress, which can fuel anger. These issues become even more complex when teens with ADHD have co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety.
Helping Your ADHD Teen Deal with Rage
Although managing your teen’s anger can feel like an uphill battle, you can help them learn how to manage and express their anger in healthier ways. If you’re not sure where to start, professional treatment, like the Pinnacle Day Program at Family First, can teach you and your teen new skills for managing impulse control, anger, and other issues caused by ADHD. You can also help by:
Validating Their Feelings
When teens with ADHD have rage attacks or anger outbursts, they’re likely to be followed by feelings of shame. It’s not like they’re choosing to fly off the handle; they just don’t know how to express what they’re feeling. Let your teen know that their feelings are valid and anger is a completely normal emotion. Just knowing that it’s okay to feel upset can help them recognize when something is wrong, which isn’t as easy as it seems.
Setting a Good Example
If you tend to yell or throw a tantrum when you get upset, learning to manage your own anger can give your teen a good example of how to take strong emotions and channel them effectively. Even if your relationship with your teen has been challenging while dealing with outbursts, they’re still looking up to you as a parent and role model.
Finding New Ways of Expression
Anger can be healthy as long as it has an outlet. Sometimes, talking about it isn’t enough—especially when your teen is learning about how they experience anger. Creative outlets like art, writing, and music give them places to get their emotions out of their head and in front of them where they can see what’s going on inside. Exercise classes and other physical activities allow them to embody their anger and accomplish something challenging while providing headspace to disconnect from negative emotions for a bit.
Taking Care of Yourself
You’ll never be able to fully dedicate yourself to helping your ADHD teen manage their anger if you’re burned out. Take time for yourself and do things that you enjoy, like picking up the book you’ve been meaning to start, going for a walk, or signing up for the class you swear you didn’t have time for. Setting even just a few minutes a day to focus on yourself can give you time and space to recharge your batteries so you can be there for your teen in the long run.