Understanding anger takes a lot of time, effort, and emotional connection. During adolescence, your child might have a hard time being patient enough to work through their anger and resort to lashing out or getting into trouble. An anger management program can help them track their inner emotions so they can find and maintain true healing as they move away from their childhood and into adulthood.

Anger Isn’t a “Bad Emotion”

When anger is accessed, processed, and expressed in a healthy way, it is a beautiful emotion that displays inner strength, authenticity, courage, resiliency, growth, and creativity.

However, when a child has a dysfunctional relationship with anger, it causes disconnection from themself, their environment, and their loved ones. This disconnection creates challenges and uncomfortable consequences. They may have difficulty standing up for themself, setting boundaries for themself, and striding confidently toward what they most want and need for their life.

Relying on Anger

On one side, there is the child who regularly lashes out angrily and might appear to have a strong connection with their anger. They may:

• Find outbursts comforting – Violent or aggressive communication may be the only way they feel in control when they encounter an emotion they’re uncomfortable with.
• Be unable to cope with vulnerability – They might use anger to mask feelings of helplessness, fear, or sadness because they’ve felt rejected when they’ve opened up before.
• Use anger to connect – A child who wasn’t taught healthy emotional intimacy learning may feel like the only way they can create a meaningful connection is through negative communication.

The teen who relies on their emotions in this way has a hard time understanding anger and how it affects those around them.

Avoiding Anger

On the other side, there is the child who appears to be totally unbothered at times when you think they should have been angry and who is, instead, quiet, sad, or withdrawn. They may:

• Be more agreeable – Agreeing with others, even when they feel threatened, may help them escape the discomfort of a negative response and any potential conflict.
• Blame themself – If they feel responsible for their parents’ marriage or divorce, for example, they may view anger as a hopeless emotion that only causes problems.
• Feel unsafe – Children who have had a traumatic experience may avoid anger because it can trigger memories or feelings of being unsafe or out of control.

This teen likely feels the anger inside, but it is so intolerable, threatening, and frightening that they don’t dare let it rise to the surface.

When, Where, and How Anger in Teens Appears

When, where, and how an emotion shows up (or doesn’t) is what we think of as a red flag for a child in crisis. If it’s an emotion they rely on or avoid, this relationship is the root of their mental health challenges.

It’s easy to confuse anger with the behaviors that come out of anger, especially when those include violent outbursts, destruction, screaming, arguing, and defiance. However, anger can manifest very quietly in some teenagers as depression, anxiety, shame, and self-hatred. Both of these extremes demonstrate that a child has a dysfunctional relationship with their anger.

While the negative behaviors associated with anger can cause issues, the feeling of anger isn’t the problem. The solution for a child in crisis isn’t to “turn off” or “turn on” their anger but to explore and eventually gain an understanding of anger and how it affects them and the people around them.

Family First’s Anger Management for Teens

In large and small groups, Family First clients can explore complex topics in a safe and non-judgmental environment. They’re able to share as openly and honestly as they wish while they get support from their peers and compassionate feedback from our clinical team.

Our clinical focus weeks help our adolescent clients explore their relationship with an emotion or concept, like anger. An individual’s relationship with an emotion determines essential things—how they understand their own identity, how they understand the world around them, and how they see themself as part of (or apart from) their environment.

Our Curriculum

The Anger Week curriculum is stacked with a variety of exercises, both psycho-educational and experiential, that help our clients explore the concept of anger and what feels safe or threatening about accessing and expressing it. In group settings, they get to learn about anger in the context of self-love and non-judgmental acceptance, empathy, and compassion.

The Anger Exchange

One of the exercises we do is somatic mindfulness; we call it “The Anger Exchange.” In pairs, the teens take turns expressing anger. One teen begins with “I feel angry when…” and completes the sentence with something that feels true for them. When they’re finished speaking, their partner, without judgment or comment, thanks them for sharing and expresses their own experience of anger. The teens go back and forth, expressing anger and receiving acceptance, then listening to an experience of anger and offering acceptance.

Throughout this exercise, our clients are guided to consider the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations they’re experiencing while sharing with their partner. We invite them to think about their experience without judging themselves or trying to change or moderate any part of what they’re feeling—only to notice and be curious about these things.

Understanding Individuality

Once all the teens feel they’ve shared enough, the therapist draws the outline of a body on a whiteboard. Each pair is invited to talk about the different experiences they had during the exercise. Using a colored marker, they illustrate on the body outline where they noticed different emotions and physical sensations during the exchange with their partner.

The purpose of this exercise is to demonstrate that there is no right or wrong way to experience anger—and to promote a greater connection with how they relate to their anger and all that comes with it.

Moving Toward a New Experience of Emotion

Teenagers use shame, self-criticism, and self-judgment to disconnect from themselves and their environment. By holding onto a belief about an emotion such as anger—that it is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, right or wrong—teens organize their identity around dysfunction. They see themselves as bad, wrong, or unhealthy.

As they transition into adulthood, relying on dysfunction will continue to impact their mental health and can cause them to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like substance use, toxic relationships, or self-harm. By establishing an open, honest connection with anger, teens can begin to unwind these dysfunctional beliefs and behaviors and create a healthier relationship with their emotions.

Why It Matters

Teens who don’t get the chance to process or resolve their anger—and those who don’t learn healthy coping mechanisms—could be more at risk of:

• Self-harm
• Substance use
• Prolonged mental health challenges
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Relationship issues

By exploring and understanding their anger, teens can learn to navigate their emotions in a positive way, leading to a better understanding of themselves and healthier relationships with others.

Call Family First to Help Your Teen Process Anger

By connecting with adolescent clients through the Anger Week curriculum, Family First staff members teach them how to know themselves through presence and empathy, how to shelve judgment in favor of curiosity, and how to accept that they are emotional beings by seeing all the ways their hearts, minds, and bodies react. We empower our young clients to take ownership of their own healing.

Is your child acting out at home or school? Are they lashing out angrily or withdrawing into themselves? We can help your child explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a safe and non-judgmental space where they can learn how to access and express themself in a more grounded and self-supportive way.

Call us at 888.904.5947 or contact us online now to help your teen discover a better relationship with their emotions and form healthier outlets for their anger.