It might not always seem like it, but your teen needs the relationship you have with them. While they might roll their eyes when you do something corny, argue with you over nothing and everything all at once, and constantly try to show you how independent they are, the bond they share with you teaches them a lot about how to navigate the world.
But family relationships are difficult to maintain at time, especially during challenging life events, like divorce, loss, or a big move. When it seems like the gap between teens and families is too large to bridge, it’s hard on everyone, even the son or daughter who act like nothing bothers them.
Why family relationships matter so much for teens
Adolescence is such a difficult time of everyone’s life. It can be easy for parents to harp on the fact that “Family is the most important thing” or always ask “I’m here, why can’t you talk to me?” while completely forgetting how tough it can be to reach out at their age.
Teens are going through a stage of life that is literally shaping their identity, where they’re carving their own path forward and figuring out how to stand apart from their parents. Strong bonds with family still give them the space to do that while keeping them grounded and supporting them in the areas they need, like:
Emotional security
How easy is it for your son or daughter to ramp up to 11 and storm off? What about trying to get them to break away from an hours-long gaming session after they had a fight with their friend? It’s easy to see how difficult it can be for teens to regulate their emotions. Tempers run hot, their bodies are rapidly changing around them, and they’re gaining all of this new knowledge of the world, their place in it, and the people around them.
Having someone they can go to when things don’t make sense is a bigger deal than you might imagine. You don’t always have to have the solution; you just need to be present. If your family is going through a major change or loss, you might even just be an emotional model for them, someone they can look at and take note of how you’re handling things and how it’s working out for you.
Communication
Talking about feelings might be the last thing your teen ever wants to do. Emotions make people feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. But, without talking about them or communicating them in some way, they only make things worse. Throwing a tantrum, starting a shouting match, and slamming their door and locking it for hours can all result from the simple buildup of feelings.
Still, they might not respond to your questions about how they’re feeling about something, or you might not understand what slang they’re using. You can just start small. Be ready to open up about yourself, what you’re feeling, and how you’re helping yourself. It might seem to fall on deaf ears, but they’re listening more than you think.
Positive reinforcement
The constant feelings of insecurity your teen feels might as well be a stock ticker in their head. Being such an important time for developing their identity, they’re going to try plenty of things that they end up thinking don’t work or that they get picked on about at school. It can be easy for them to throw in the towel, get down in the dumps, and give up or act out.
You can be a positive force in their life. You don’t have to agree with everything they do, and you probably won’t. But when it comes to healthy habits, positive behaviors, or accomplishments, take note and give them their kudos.
How family bonds can shape the future
When you support your teen at home, the benefits go beyond the front door. They can become more resilient, secure, and confident in their future because you’re such a strong positive in their life. They might be more engaged at school, make and focus on new goals, and feel good about the decisions they make.
The relationships they have now, when they’re independent enough to start making their own decisions and still have your support when they make mistakes, are what they will use as a blueprint for the future.
Strengthening your parent/teen bond
Big, dramatic gestures aren’t always (in fact, they might rarely be) needed to stay connected with your teen. Be there. Pay attention. Make an effort. These are all things you can do every day that build trust and safety, which strengthen your relationship.
Don’t know where to start? Feel uncomfortable trying to fix a broken bridge? Try:
- Making time for shared routines: Eat dinner together, take a walk, or do a screen-free activity you both enjoy, even if it’s just once a week.
- Asking questions and listening: Small talk is awkward. Step out of your comfort zone and ask some questions to get the ball rolling. “What made you laugh today?” or “If today had a soundtrack, what song would be on it?”
- Validating their emotions: You don’t have to fix everything. Sometimes, just saying. “That sounds really hard.” is enough.
- Showing appreciation for who they are: Call out effort, honesty, creativity, or resilience, not just achievements.
- Apologizing when you need to: Modeling accountability helps them do the same.
- Keeping your word: Following through builds trust, especially during uncertain times.
- Creating space for tough conversations: Let them know they can bring anything to you; prove it by staying calm and open when they do.
Even if things have felt distant or tense lately, it’s not too late to strengthen the connection. Small, consistent efforts go further than you think.
It’s okay to ask for extra support
You might not be equipped to handle everything your teen needs help with, especially if you’re both going through a major challenge. If they’re struggling with their mental health, reaching out for professional support might be the right choice. Family systems therapy can help you reconnect and grow together.
Family First Adolescent Services has an exclusive boy’s treatment program at our secure campus in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, and a co-ed day program in Ft. Lauderdale. Our team has more than 120 years of combined clinical experience and can help your teen—and your family—overcome your challenges. Call 888.904.5947 or contact us online.