It’s not just your kid. Teens around the world don’t care about things, and they’ve been not caring for generations. How you deal with a teenager that doesn’t care, on the other hand, is a very personal choice. Knowing when it’s normal and when something more serious is going on can help you give them support when they need it.
Why doesn’t my teen care about anything?
There’s no easy answer. That might be partly because your teen just might not be interested in the same things that you are, and you don’t understand what they’re into. But, sometimes, at least, they just genuinely don’t get into anything. They’re not motivated, enthusiastic, or even interested. In a word, they’re apathetic.
A couple of things are common in teen apathy: changes in hormones and identity. Teens are flooded with stress, sex, and growth hormones during puberty, which can feel like waking up in a brand-new body with a brand-new brain. At the very least, puberty is awkward, but sometimes it’s miserable. Sleep schedules get thrown off, trying to fit in becomes an ordeal, and emotions can change with the wind. On top of that, teens are trying to forge their own identity and be less reliant on you, a parent. They might choose to dislike something just because you do.
Not caring and the internet of things
Your teen might be disconnected from everything in real life, but there’s a good chance that they’re plugged in constantly online. Being “chronically online,” where they’re always chatting with friends, checking social media, or doomscrolling (watching or reading internet content for long periods at a time with no real goal), can be draining. It might not seem like it takes a lot of energy, but it exhausts their attention and motivation.
A lot of internet content is also concerning. Even outside of explicitly inappropriate material, content about current events, videos of unrealistic “norms,” and echo chambers that don’t challenge how your teen thinks of things can reinforce feelings of apathy. Jokes and memes about being hopeless or depressed can do the same thing, even if they’re lighthearted attempts to cope with something more serious.
It could be a sign of something deeper
As normal as being lazy, defiant and indifferent are for teens, sometimes they really are signs of something more serious. When they’re not getting excited about or being engaged with anything, even just talking to friends, it might be time to ask more questions.
Depression
Apathy might look most like depression, and for good reason. Depression, especially among teens, doesn’t just include sadness. It can also include disinterest and fatigue. Self-esteem and hopelessness are also common, which might be feelings your teen deals with before becoming apathetic. If they have low self-esteem, they might not feel like they’ll be good at anything, so there’s no point in even trying.
Anxiety
Teens with anxiety might give off that they don’t care about anything because they’re trying to avoid stressful situations. Social anxiety, stress about good grades, or even just thinking about their future in a challenging world can all be draining to teens. There’s a good chance they’re stressed about more than you might think, and the only way they know how to express it is through disinterest.
ADHD
Living with ADHD means managing struggles with attention, procrastination, and effort, often resulting in incomplete tasks. Schoolwork and more rigid home responsibilities can be especially stressful for teens with ADHD as they might see not starting something as a way to avoid what they see as an inevitable incompletion. What you might see is a complete lack of motivation.
Trauma
Emotional numbing is a long-term effect of trauma. People who experience a single traumatic event or chronic trauma also often isolate themselves from others. While you might struggle to find an ounce of passion from your teen, they might be struggling to feel comfortable enough opening themselves up to feel happy and excited.
Social isolation & loneliness
Being disconnected from others, especially during adolescence, can have a serious toll on mental health. Teens who grew up during the COVID-19 pandemic when they were forced to have their social interactions virtually might especially relate to the feelings of disconnect. Even if your teen is talking to friends on video games or chats, being away from them in real life can reinforce feelings of apathy.
You can help them at home
The world is a challenging place today, and there’s a lot of uncertainty teens are facing about their futures. Social media, while being a good place to feel validated, is also somewhere teens can get easily lost in feeling like there’s no hope. It’s not just on the internet; it spills over into daily life. There are some things you can do, though, to help them find a way forward.
- Communicate openly: Don’t judge, validate their emotions, and check in regularly
- Promote healthy habits: Practice sleep hygiene, get up and move, plan healthy meals
- Build self-confidence: Find things they like and are good at, make them approachable, and praise their efforts
- Teach emotional intelligence and coping skills: Give them the words they need to describe how they feel, practice journaling, and be a good role model
- Limit unhealthy internet use: Talk about the effects of excessive social media and screen time, including being in cynical echo chambers
- Help them discover a purpose: Maybe they have a past interest or can find something new that sparks some drive
One of the most important things you can do other than listen is to be a good role model because teens pick up a lot more than you think they’d understand. And a major part of being a good role model is knowing when to ask for help.
Sometimes, they need professional help
Talking to your teen about why they don’t get excited about anything can start a deeper conversation. You may realize that you have less in common than you thought, but you might be able to find something that you both enjoy and can share. But you might also find out that they need some help that you’re not equipped to give them, and that’s okay. These are some signs it’s time to look for support:
- Being persistently sad, numb, or withdrawn for several weeks or longer
- Significant changes in mood, energy, appetite, and sleep
- Expressing feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or suicidal thoughts
- Evidence of self-harm, like unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns
- Drug or alcohol use, or finding paraphernalia
- Dropping grades or school refusal
At Family First, we help teens explore their mental health and help them figure out what they care about so they can find a better way forward. With more than 120 years of combined clinical experience, we know that every teen is unique, and provide each one we help with the care they deserve. Call 888.904.5947 or contact us online now.